Cast no Love, have no fear
by LikeIdTellU
Summary: It is the golden age and everything is right for Gondor's King. Until his patrol drags in an elf. AU -Discontinued
1. Prologue

**This story is AU because there is no ring and no Sauron. Humans don't believe in elves and the elves are distrustful and hateful of the humans. Legolas is not an elf prince and Aragorn is the King of Gondor.**

**Also the wood elves in this story are a bit like the Nac Mac Feegle in Terry Pratchets Discworld. They are not blue and tiny but they are rude, fierce, extraordinarily strong and tough. The Noldor are more refined, not as strong [I really don't like the Noldor] and spend all their time singing and dancing.**

**Prologue**

Aragorn couldn't believe it, he really couldn't. It was not true, it could not be possible. But the fact remained that it was. His southern Patrol had caught an elf.

At first he had been sceptical, heck he had even thought that they had lost their minds not to mention their self-preservation. But as he sat on his throne in the ornate Hall of Kings, listening asthe elf and guards cussing filtered through the heavy door he was forced to rethink what he had been taught. The air was entirely too blue to come out of a Fairy Tale.

The great doors opened with a groan and the weary members of the patrol filtered through, two men dragging the elf between them. Aragorn blinked when he saw the thick iron bands securing the elf's hands behind his back and binding his feet together.

The captain stepped forth, is forehead wrapped heavily in bandages. Aragorn blinked once more as he noted the dishevelled appearance of Boromir, closer scrutiny on Aragorn's part revealed that Boromir's eyes were slightly unfocused. Either he's been drinking, Aragorn thought, or he's concussed. What has he been doing? Trading head butts with a mumukil?

"My Lord", Boromir said, motioning towards the kneeling elf, "Here is the elf". The captain signalled to the two guards who brought forth the fair being. Aragorn's eyes widened as he beheld such an angelic beauty. The elf was delicate, with sharp green eyes and pale skin. His hair, because despite the unearthly beauty Aragorn clearly recognised the being as male, was a dark shade of red. The elf was tall, slender and frail looking, making Aragorn wonder why the patrol had such difficulty detaining such a fragile creature.

He was also gagged.

"Take off the gag", Aragorn ordered.

"Bu-"Boromir began before he was paralysed by Aragorn's imperios and icy glare.

"Do it", was the King's curt order. Focused as he was on his captain Aragorn completely missed the elf narrow his eyes at his regal tone, a wicked smile playing across his lips before disappearing behind a mask of cool indifference.

A guard promptly removed the gag.

Aragorn got off is throne and knelt before the fair being. "Tell me elf", he began, "What were you doing in Gondor's borders? Mayhap you are a spy".

The elf motioned for Aragorn to move closer, and the King promptly did so until he was three inches away from the elf's face. The elf smiled…and then spat on him.

Aragorn reeled away, socked, wiping the spittle off in disgust. Boromir turned and, before Aragorn could stop him, viciously backhanded the elf. To the shock of all he wasn't knocked out by the blow even though his head snapped to the side with a loud crack. In that moment the elf decided that he was going to make this king's life hell.

He fixed his penetrating stare on the King. "This is Gondor?" The elf spat, scorn dripping off is tongue like poison. "I am disappointed, my sisters doll house is bigger then this".

Fury swept over Aragorn. No one insults his city, no one.

"Put him in the dungeon", the King spat, "Mayhap a spell with the inquisitors will make your tongue loosen".

The elf swore violently at him. "Go gcreime cúnna ifrinn do bhall fearga".

And then he was gone, whisked down towards the bowels of Minas Tirith.

TBC

Translations

'Go gcreime cúnna ifrinn do bhall fearga' is gaelic for May the hounds of hell gnaw at your manly part.


	2. Chapter 1

**I should of said this before but this story contains SLASH**

Chapter one

Unbelievable! Really these humans were unbelievable! For a moment he had feared that they would torture him, but it appeared that the inquisitors were a bunch of minors armed with….nothing. Just their tongues, their brains and their unusually large lung capacity.

"So tell us elf", short and fat snorted, "When are the elves going to attack Minas Tirith and in what number?"

"Well let us see", Legolas said in his best sickly sweet you-had-better-shut-up-immediately-otherwise-chains-or-not-someones-going-to-get-a-head-full-of-dandruff tone of voice. "Since were_ not_ going to attack there should be no one marching to Minas Tirith at any time in the near future".

"Then why are you here?"

"Oh for Valar's sake I was collecting wood so I could whittle a doll for my sister. And the reason why I came to the borders of Gondor is because the wood here is better for carving. Happy?"

"Then why-"

Oh Elbereth's two left tits. If this kept up he was going to _beg_ for torture, just to break the monotony.

Thankfully, for the inquisitors, the great iron cell door swung open with a tortured groan to admit one very harassed looking King. The evil little git grabbed one of the wooden stools stacked oh so neatly in the corner and planted his royal backside upon it.

"Leave us gentlemen", he commanded and was immediately obeyed. The door shut behind the retreating Inquisitors. He now had King what's-his-face's undivided attention. Legolas was sure that was not a good thing. A few minutes passed with the King's unwavering gaze fixed upon the elf's face and Legolas sure as hell did _not_ squirm. He just shifted to dislodge a rock. Yeah a rock…

"How many elves are there?" The King asked, making Legolas blink. Surely the human was not stupid enough to believe he would actually tell the truth.

"Thousands", the elf replied unblinkingly. And sure enough a nervous tick made itself known above the Kings left eyebrow. It was quite mesmerising really. The twitch, not the face. That face was the stuff of nightmares. Dear Valar he was rambling in his head. That is just so…

Think Legolas. Honestly Adar was right; you are a flighty little no-brainer.

Suddenly the King's features relaxed and the man lent backwards-Legolas seriously hoped the idiot would fall over backwards but unfortunately a wall was in the way- his tight leather pants giving a rather distressed squeak.

Legolas felt sorry for them.

"You're lying", the King stated and since this was an obvious statement, Legolas did nothing to correct it. Suddenly the King scowled, giving the elf the impression that this King was a rather bad-tempered fellow. "Stop lying elf or your stay in Gondor could become rather…unpleasant". The King's tone left no doubt about how unpleasant Legolas was going to find this damp little corner of the world if answers did not come now.

But he did not drive his Adar to distraction by being an easily intimidated and obedient elfling, and nothing much had changed when he reached his majority. "And why should I do that?" Ok in hindsight that wasn't the most sensible thing to say when one was in the wrong side of a dungeon bereft of keys to said dungeon. And for a moment Legolas believed the King would hit him…truly he had but instead the particularly annoying specimen of humanity just laughed.

Laughed

L.A.U.G.H.E.D

At him

HIM

Did that need to be spelled out to?

"And what", growled Legolas, "Is so funny?"

The King-and Legolas did not find him handsome in the least-gave him a particularly scrape grace grin that made Legolas scowl in annoyance. "You are, elf", the King replied, "It's the fact that you seem utterly unafraid of what I could do to you".

There was silence as Legolas decided whether he should take that as a compliment or not. Eventually he decided against it and resumed his scowling. But to his annoyance the bloody humans smile only widened.

Honestly!

"There is something about you, elf", The Lord of the desolate shit hole Legolas had stranded himself continued, "Something different…you affect me elf in ways no other has".

He's not, one side of Legolas whined in horror.

He is, the bigger, dominant wicked side of Legolas giggled hysterically.

"Are you sick?" Legolas asked in a tone that was a mix of horror, amusement and utter disgust.

The King physically shook himself free of such thoughts and abruptly stood and made his way to the door. However, Legolas had promised himself that he would make this young king's life miserable for the duration of his stay here and therefore was unwilling to let him go so easily.

"Given up trying to announce your love for me?" the elf called. Now Legolas was prepared for a multitude of reactions, ranging from petulant storming out of the cell, death threats or even, he shivered just at the thought, rape. But not for the violent blow that sent his head careening into the wall. It didn't do Legolas much harm and the worst thing that happened was for a shower of sparks to eclipse his vision and a faint ringing in is ears.

The elf caught a glimpse of remorseful grey eyes, heard the faint banging of a door and then, apart from the ringing, silence.

When at last his head righted itself, Legolas conceded that that was a definite victory for himself.

TBC


	3. Chapter 2

**Author's notes: Once again this story is both AU and SLASH, just in case you missed the copious hints in the last chapter. Don't like it then why the hell are you reading it? This is the second chapter!**

**Chapter 2**

What in Arda had possessed him to say that? Sure he felt some physical attraction to the elf but that was hardly new. But why had he had to admit it and give the elf a weakness to latch onto?

These were the thoughts that plagued the mind of one King of Gondor as he lay upon his bed

It had felt like someone else had spoken trough his mouth, using his voice and making him embarrass himself in the process. But why would they choose to make him state that particular falsehood? It just made no sense. He felt nothing for the cocky elf locked in his dungeon. He did not feel his chest, and other parts down below, tighten when he glimpsed the elf. Gorgeous that creature may be, he felt nothing for him…not even lust.

Aragorn groaned and buried his face in the pillow as he realised he sounded too much like a young girl in denial.

XXX

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

This, is, so, boring.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

That mould spot on the wall is_ not _going to move no matter how much you stare at it, and even if it _does _move it's not going to help you escape. Now take an inventory of what you have with you. One tunic, one pair of leggings, hair, eyes, nose, mouth, feet and hands. Wonderful! Now all you have to do, Legolas, is remember what Erecion tried to teach you in all those lessons when you fell asleep or didn't bother to show up.

But then again why would he want to escape? He had food, water and a man to torment. How much better could life get? It sure bet going on patrol and doing archery. Bloody stars of Varda! If one wanted an example of pure unrelenting boredom then one should join his father's archery instruction. It made torture by orcs seem attractive and fun.

Ugh, on second thoughts that may or may not be an over exaggeration since it was only he who seemed to have a problem with archery lessons and obeying others in general.

Legolas sighed and rested his head against the stone wall, glaring moodily at nothing in particular. He just couldn't win, no matter which angle he looked at his thoughts from.

And now he was doomed to boredom.

An idea popped into his head as he recalled the man's words and his own promise to make the man's life hell. Suddenly the day seemed to get much better.


	4. Chapter 3

Well this was fun, a lot of fun if truth be told. But Legolas really did not want to stay around for more, because by the look of the workers outside his cell, the little lust-struck king was actually becoming serious in his endeavour to discover whether he was a spy or not.

And despite his earlier grumblings Legolas really did not want to be tortured. He was actually very much against the idea of torture. In fact he was so against the idea that he would happily concede to anything the king wished of him just to weasel out of it.

And then he remembered that the king lusted after him, and decided that the above really wasn't a good idea after all.

But what about your promise to make his life hell? Said a particularly nasty, whiny voice in the back of his head that sounded suspiciously like his father's second wife.

Shut up, he told that voice, I did not ask for your input.

And then he realised that he was talking to himself, and almost groaned aloud as he considered the very distinct posiblility that he was going mad. Then again there were a few select people who would say he had gone mad a while back.

Legolas found that he didn't care about their opinions.

TBC

XXX

This is a short chapter because A) I didn't have time to write more and B) it is only here to introduce a few future problems as well as to provide comic relief because from this point onwards the story is going to get serious with possible adult themes thrown into the mix.


End file.
